God of Mercy and Grace: CRAVE

It is you, we adore.
It is you, praises are for.
Only you, the heavens declare.
It is you. It is you.
Holy Holy is our God almighty!
Holy Holy is His name alone!

---

I'm starting my own little Bible study with myself. I'm using a dvd series called

CRAVE

that talks about:

craving INTIMACY,

craving DESTINY,

and craving MEANING.

---

I'm also going to read

C.S. Lewis' book 'Four Loves'

which talks about the four different types of love that all humans feel:

Affection

Friendship

Eros

Charity

---

I need to know the difference, so I can better understand why I have certain feelings towards certain people. Love is such a deep and meaningful feeling.... which only makes sense. God is Love. God is complex and above all else. As is love above all other feeling. "...the greatest of these is Love." 1 Corinthians 13:13. By understanding the differences in these types of love, I can see how God fits in with everything I do love. I can see where maybe I love too much and God is put second, and I can see where I don't love enough and God needs to be lifted higher. I can hopefully also understand some of my relationships with people more clearly.

---

(I attempted to read it once before, but got too busy to finish. I'm more determined this time though, C.S. Lewis isn't easy to read.)

---

And along with that I'm also going to work through my devotional book:

"the one year Through the Bible"

This will take me deeper into God's word and help me understand what He is speaking to me.

---

God's language:

The way I see it is, God is the almighty. He created the Heavens and the Earth and he created everything on the earth. He created humans and he created them all different, but in His image. He gave different cultures different languages. We have to learn these languages in order to communicate properly with the people of those cultures, so we study. We invest our time in getting to know the culture and all the different parts of speaking in that language.

And so it is with God.

God has his own language. His language is Holy and Just and we need to learn to communicate with Him. By reading and studying the Bible and by constantly practicing what we've learned and by speaking to God, the better we will get at it and the more we will understand. The Bible is our text book and prayer is our test. We should be spending more time learning and yearning to know, because God's language is the most important language you can learn. We need to better our communication with our Lord.

290

The thing I love most about God is that he answers my prayers all the time. Especially now, now that we have a better connection and understanding and relationship. All I have to do is pour my heart out to Him and he provides me with what I need, exactly when I need it.

---

The more I pray and the more I read my Bible and work towards being more like Jesus, the less static there is in our communication.

---

I've been stressed out about a few things over these past 75 days, but by asking God to help me with them, I've overcome and learned from them. It's such a comfort to know that I don't really need to worry about anything, because time and control is in God's hands. He knows what's best even when I'm convinced I'm the one who's right. And in knowing that God loves me and is taking care of me gives me so much hope for the things I'm passionate about. The things that I really really want, God will either provide for me, or provide something even greater for me.

---

I've been sick for a month now. On and off, but a constant feeling of less then 100 percent. I think part of it was stress over not knowing what was going on in my head, and that caused me to lose sleep. I have this weird habit (?) where I push stuff out of my mind that is bothering me because I rather not think about it, and then it all builds up and explodes when everything is quiet. And when one big thing is bothering me, it makes all the little things seems giant too.

---

Thank goodness for tea.

(grande green tea latte with raspberry syrup and foam,

180 degrees and excellent company.... it's the cure for any heartache)

---

Last night I slept so well, which was a relief after not sleeping that great on and off for a month. I believe that it was a mixture of waking up to yummy tea, receiving great advice, spending time with friends and having wonderful family time before calling it a night. And I called it a night at my second home. My second home that God generously gave me. He couldn't have given me a greater gift, in all honesty. I'm still in awe.

---

My brother is coming home for Christmas. It will be so awesome to see him again! I've always said that if I believed in idols.... my brother would be mine. It's hard to explain really. He's the most incredible person.... such a beautiful Christian and an inspiring roll model. I give a lot of credit to him for how I became who I am today. My love for him is endless. I miss him so much. He's my honest hero. <3

Is There Life on Mars?

A part of me wants to leave my old life behind, move on, forget about it.
A part of me needs to leave my old life behind.
A part of me wants it back.
A part of me misses it horribly.

---

I can't just pretend it never happened. No matter how unsafe Spiritually it was. Sure, it seems like a dream to me because most of it was lived in a sort of trance/ tripped out/ surreal/ too much dreaming/ not enough reality kind of way (no, I wasn't on drugs...). It's hard to explain, but basically my dreams were huge and I lived each day making myself believe I could have them.

---

And they weren't normal dreams.

---

There is one thing that I do miss though. The way the sun hit the air. It was different out there. It inspired me and comforted me in a deep, creative way. Again, it's impossible to explain. It was like creativity flowed through the atmosphere and if the sun hit the clouds and the trees just right.... I could write a whole movie in my head based on the feeling in that moment in time. I haven't felt that in awhile. The sun here shines brightly, but its higher in the sky, I think, it doesn't create the right kind of shadows and filtered light.

---

I miss my creative atmosphere.

---

I miss dreaming about traveling the world, and living against everything society talked about and decided was the true way to live life. I miss listening to Bright Eyes and Brian Jonestown Massacre on the city bus and listening to buskers on Whyte Ave (who were really just lazy teens with no ambition in life and a faded ability to dream). I miss the local shows and going to halls to hear my buddies play. I miss the cliff where everything seemed to be put into proper perspective... my perspective.

---

I miss my inspirers..... the world was ours to conquer. Sitting in the field with our guitars, our camera and the creative atmosphere.... our castle and our sheep and the band.... I didn't want anything more. I had my best friends and my future all planned out.

---

Those are the things I know I need to let go. Unhealthy, though so exciting. It hurts when you're best friends don't feel the same passion about true life that you do. God just wasn't in the cards they dealt for themselves.

---

And they were bringing me down, while lifting me so high.

---

Pause.

---

I don't know what got me thinking about this anyway... kinda weird actually. Edmonton was just a city of inspiration for me, and I guess what I might be getting at, or where I could take this thought is that... Ottawa is a place of inspiration for me too... it's just different inspiration. It's Holy inspiration. And although leaving Edmonton was difficult and I do miss the creative atmosphere, I'm so glad I was able to give it up for Holy inspiration. I've found true meaning in life and dreams since I've been here. My future is actually starting to get colour and I feel like it's going to be good....

---

Start.

---

I'm tired.

And I've been eyeing my Mars bar for almost an hour now....

I can't resist any longer.

To Mars and to bed, that's my dream for tonight.

Jesus You Are God

Love unfailing, overtaking my heart.
Finding peace again, fear is lost in all you are.

†††

Jesus, I believe in you

and I would go

to the ends of the earth

to the ends of the earth

for you

alone are the son of God

and all the world will see

that you are God

you are God.

†††

To the ends of the earth.

†††

You ARE GOD!

†††

Don't you just want to praise Him?

Don't you just want to PRAISE HIM?

Don't you just want to run around proclaiming the amazing grace and love of Jesus our Christ?!

Jesus THE CHRIST!

†††

Open up our hearts

that we will know you.

KNOW you.

know YOU!

†††

Jesus

†††

Open up our hearts....

We love you.

Oh Jesus.

Thank you Jesus.

†††

†

†††

You gave your only son for me

Your grace is all around.

A love that's stronger

A love that covers sin

and takes the weight of the world.

†††

I love You.

†††

Jesus Christ

Take my life

Take all of me.

†††

All of my hope is in You.

†††

I need You so, my everything....

†††

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

JESUS

JESUS

JESUS

Praise Adonai

†††

The most beautiful things in this world can't compare to your beauty Oh Lord.

The mountains, the birds, Lord, you created them in your image...

... but you're so much more beautiful!

Majesty!

Majesty!

Forever I am changed by your love.

In the beauty of your majesty.

†††

Forever I will seek you

All you are is all I want.

Draw me close, in your arms.
OH GOD!

†††

Breathe on me.

Let me see your face.

I want to be with you.

†††

Always.

†††
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!

†††

I love you Lord.

I love you Lord.

†††

I need you here.

You're like the rain that falls.

Fall on this heart and make me new.
†††

I only want to be where you are.

†††

HOLY.

HOLY is the LORD.

KING of GLORY

Forever, SAVIOR, of the world.

†††

You have put Heaven in my heart.

†††

Great is the Lord God Almighty.

Great is the Lord on high.

We cry out highest praise.

GLORY to the RISEN KING.

GLORY to the Son, Glorious One.

†††

Lift up your hands

Open the doors

Let the King of Glory come in

And Forever we bow down.

†††

Holy

Crown Him LORD of ALL!

†††

Light the fire within oh Holy GOD!

I want to dance with you!

I want to dance for you!

I want to dance because of you God!

†††

Glorious SON!

†††

Father

†††

Majesty.

Wonderful.

Emmanuel

Prince of Piece

Righteous One.

King.

Father.

I adore you.

†††

I give my life to You.

Breathing

friend (noun): a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

---

Would you not agree that we should be to our friends what Jesus is to us? I truely believe that once you fall in love with Jesus, the love you feel for people changes completely. It's revamped. It's filled with new meaning. It becomes true, to the core, deep down, fill your whole heart and mind, genuine love. It's a love with no limits, no beginnings or endings, no boundaries, no fear.

---

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love. I'm in love with so many people it's overwhelming. And the love I feel is different then ever before and I honestly don't think I know how to handle it. I want it to stay true and genuine and innocent, but I also want it to be open to everyone being themselves and not "sensoring" it to please the majority or perhaps the minority.... society. Society ruins so many good things. Society is so quick to judge, so quick to throw out rules of acceptability. Society doesn't know anything. Society doesn't even exist... who is society? Who sets the trends, who sets the right and wrong, who is the "they" that society is made up of?

---

How did I get from talking about love to trying to figure out the concept of "society"?

---

My challenge to you is to be less judgemental. Be less judgemental and feel less judged. Whether we are being judged or not we shouldn't dwell on the thoughts of others because who are they to judge? Didn't Jesus say "he who is without sin throw the first stone"? No one on earth is better then you or I, and you and I are no better then anyone either. God created us equal. God created us unique. God also created us human and he gave us the gift of choice.

---

Don't judge and make good choices.

---

That is my sermon to you tonight :)

Purity

pu·ri·ty (noun): the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes; freedom from guilt or evil; innocence; physical chastity; virginity.

---

I think Purity sums up 365. My goal is to be purified.

---

I've done some stuff during my life that I need to cleanse myself from. I've already begun to filter my mind and regain control of my thoughts, which was a big goal for me. Having control over my thoughts makes everything else a tad bit easier.

---

I've also been filtering out who I talk to, which has made a huge difference in my attitude and mood. Spending more time with people that make me happy and feel good about myself, and spending less time texting or hanging out with people that upset, confuse or lower myself respect and/or confidence has helped me to treat people in the same way... with more respect.

---

I've been trying to eat healthier, not too sure how successful I am in that field yet. Working has helped though because it's a physical job that gives me a good workout 3 or 4 times a week. I've been drinking more water too, which is great. Still have a ways to go! I'm not concerned about losing weight anymore.... yea, 10 pounds would be sweet to lose, but I don't obsess over it anymore. I am me. :)

---

Which brings me to my next point....... I'm totally cool with who I am. Personality, faith, thoughts and opinions, friends, family, things that I love to do and listen to, the way I look... for the longest time I couldn't stand anything about myself, but I'm finally learning to appreciate who God made me. He doesn't just make stuff for the sake of making it... he thought me out well and I am who he wants me to be. The more time I spend with Jesus the more I hear Him telling me I'm alright. He shows me where to improve, let's me know when I'm doing something right and covers for me when I make a silly mistake... the guy's got my back!! I am oh so thankful :)

---

My thoughts on school have been changing I think. I love photography deeply, but perhaps I don't need to take it in school... maybe I should continue on in design, or switch to my original plan of film, or what about social work or Bible College? I've got a few months to figure it out, I'm not too worried yet.

---

Jesus is the perfect example of purity. I want to be like Jesus.

Für Elise

Beethoven wrote the most beautiful piece of classical piano music. It's entrancing and elegant and emotion raising. I just love it so much.

---

I thank God for his presence in times of laughter and in times of tears.

Romans 6:17-18

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

---

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

---

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

---

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

---

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

---

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

---

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

---

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

---

Everything - Lifehouse