There Is None Like You

My heart is weak and my mind feeling like giving up. There has been a break-up, a disconnect, a distance... a lack of inspiration and a whirlwind of confusion.

I forgot to look up... instead, I've been looking around.

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[My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. Exodus 33:14]

‎[I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jeremiah 31:3]

‎[My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9]

‎[I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8]

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This concept of giving it all... of letting go and being at peace with the thought of God, this seemingly invisible creator, this master of life... leading me blindly.... it's a concept I haven't been able to fully grasp yet. I want to. I know I need to. And I'm trying.

God IS Love.
And Love is what I crave.

Craving God is a good feeling... a heart wrenching, life focusing, mind opening, faith pushing feeling that, even though is good, can be painful and scary.

But it's real.
And God IS real.

God is Love.
And Love is real.

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And so I begin, as I begin again and again everyday.... my journey to knowing You more, to knowing my Lord... my Saviour... more and more.

More and more.

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The Hardest Part

Wow. I never really knew pain until I experienced these past couple weeks. I never realized how deep my love ran for Him... James. And he didn't really break my heart, as much as he took it straight out of my chest and put it somewhere in his. 

But it always did belong to him, so I guess it only makes sense. 

When they say time heals all wounds, are they talking days, months, years? Do I have to fall out of love before the pain subsides? Do I have to find some sort of distraction in the shape of a male to cover up all the memories that I love so much? 

Holding hands in the forest... blowing kisses before saying goodnight... every night...

Will the sun always shine for him in my eyes? Will the moon always hover as if it's somehow connecting us no matter how far apart we are? 

Will every beautiful thing God created always remind me of his smile.... the smile that used to be only mine?

[You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea]

I promised to love you forever, and I think I can still do it. 

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God is love. 

05.10.08

Come a little bit closer

Hear what I have to say

Just like children sleepin

We could dream this night away

But there's a full moon risin

Lets go dancing in the light

We know where the music's playin

Let's go out and feel the night

Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon

When we were strangers

I watched you from afar

When we were lovers

I loved you with all my heart

But now its getting late

And the moon is climbing high

I want to celebrate

The sea is shining in your eyes

Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon

Wish You Were Here

I can't figure out how to write down what I feel right now. 

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I made such a stupid mistake.

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"When you're too in love to let it go..."

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Never let other people's opinions change the way you live your life... you'll end up sad and broken.

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I'd give anything...

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"When you lose something you can't replace..."

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"When you love someone but it goes to waste..."

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I'll meet you up there somewhere at such great heights.

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Face it. We're better together.

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Reverent Worship

My kitten has chicken legs.

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Ten days until I can see my summer family again.
I'm very excited. I love them and I've missed them so much.

I'm also very excited for our New York trip.

---

Church this morning was really awesome. I wasn't feeling the greatest and I was pretty spacey during most of it, but there were two moments when I felt totally alive and totally in the presence of God.

The first was when I was playing bass... I haven't done it in almost three months and I forgot the passion I guess. Being able to praise God through the movement of my fingers and the feel of the music, the words that bring reverent worship to the One deserving of it.... it was a fantastic feeling.

The other was after Allison spoke her message. We sang a few songs that really expressed my gratitude towards Jesus.

Lord you are...
More precious then silver,
More costly then gold,
More beautiful then diamonds.
Nothing I desire, compares to you.

This one really was a testimony for me. All the things in the world that I cherish, none of them are anywhere near as important and magnificent as my Jesus. From material things to the different ways in which I love people... God is the only one that can fulfill me in every way.

I dunno, He's just so awesome and cool like that.

---

Anyway... I have the most ginormous headache of all.

And the temperature is killing me... it is so unbelievably humid. I want it to rain.

---

The 'Twilight' book is taking over my time. I'm so addicted to it, I can't put it down. I'm half way through it and with every page I turn I get a little upset because that's one page closer to the end.

Good thing there are 4 books in the series.

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My house almost burnt down last night at dinner. It's a funny story actually... I remembered it in church this morning and started laughing to myself.

My mom made fajita things and we were sitting around the table, just having a lovely dinner. Suddenly, mom jumped up and ran over to the oven... when she opened it I could see the flames, and they were getting bigger. Just as she opened the oven, my dad jumped up from his seat, literally threw Kerrie across the room so he could get there faster, yelled at someone to open the door so we all ran to different doors in the house. He was talking to me though, I was near the sliding door that leads to the backyard... I yelled "it's open!!" thinking he just wanted the glass part open to let the smoke out. I didn't know he was planning on bringing the flaming fajita outside, so he got made when I didn't open the screen too haha. Oh man, it was hilarious. I had to push Logan out of the way so I could get the door open and haha awe... good times.

We love fire.

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I was inspired to rearrange my bedroom yesterday... now it's somehow twice as big and way more tidy. I love it though, it's so cozy.

Some might say it's cluttered, but it's not really. I really like looking at things, and so I display everything from my jewelry to my scarves (using them as curtains, it's kinda cool). I also have a lot of photos - obviously - but not nearly enough paintings.

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I know you really were dying to know all that.

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Band practice tomorrow! I should go practice now...

Grande White Hot Chocolate w/ 1 Pump Raspberry (I love my Raspberry)

When you love someone sometimes you've got to give them away.

For the betterment of their heart.

And yours.

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I had a lovely tea date with Chantal this evening :) Nice to chat with a great friend.

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Logan and I are going to watch the whole sixth season of 24 this weekend. It's so good so far! Really gory though, lots of attention to pain :S Logan and I squirm a lot.

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I went into the dark room and realized I could see my feet... 

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The Twilight book IS good so far :( I was hoping to be different and totally dislike it, but no such luck. I thought about it all day at school haha. There's one character that is soo intriguing and I keep on reading because I want to get to know him better. I kind of wish I would meet someone like him. Handsome and mysterious. 

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I'm actually going to go read it now.

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Tomorrow I am going to make a list of a bunch of things I want to accomplish by this time next September (who says New Year's Resolutions have to start on the first of January? Why not half way through September?)

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Sometimes I wonder why I blog... it's basically just me talking to myself virtually. I doubt people even read it on a regular basis, if ever.

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Guess it just makes me feel a little less lonely at times :)

Once. And Again Some Day?

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

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I had a great day.
Classes went quickly, and still fairly simple.
I got eighty percent on my very first test of the year... that's pretty good, no?
After class I met up with Steve Vincent and we went for lunch at a hockey restaurant (he likes hockey haha) and I had a blast! We went through the massive list of all the people we have in common and talked about all the cool things about being a fireman (my personal favourite would be the calender.... haha), so that was cool.

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I think it's time for a mind sweep...
You know when you delete a bunch of stuff off your computer, but then you have to go in and do a final delete in the trash can? Well, I've deleted a lot of things from my life and made some hard decisions, but now I need to do the final "let go"... you know? It's so hard. I hold onto things for a really long time (too long... I'm still somehow holding onto things that happened in tenth grade).

People are important to me... very important to me.

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So it seems as though I am going to New York alone.... the rest of my team haven't sent in their applications yet.

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Tomorrow I get my first photo assignment!

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That's it... tomorrow I'm handing out twenty applications for work. No more of this waiting around for the good places... I need money!

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Song of Songs 8:4
I need to remember this one.
Maybe I'll tattoo it on my forearm...

Raindrops and Laptops

Perhaps I'm too sensitive, or maybe it just meant more to me.

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It's 9:18 and I'm still in bed... I love my schedule.
No class until 1pm.... and then it's Post Production.... I love my schedule.

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Last night was the first practice for YP band :) I had so much fun! Kerrie and I rocked the 2nd Cornets section (yea, I don't get my own section yet... but just wait...). I was very surprised with how well I did actually. My sound wasn't too bad, and other then having to write the letters under the notes, I followed along and nailed a lot of it.

I think once you learn something, you never forget it... it just hides somewhere in your big head.

Like swimming maybe?

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Tonight is a surprise party for Bryan! He is leaving for 5 months to Spain in a couple of weeks, so that is sad and exciting all at once. It's being held at the Granger residence.... it's been awhile since I've been there. Used to go there a couple times a week. Haha... at least I won't have to clean it :P

<3

Speaking of Grangers.... I came back from the summer and Joel suddenly is bigger then me! I have to look up to him now. Guess the roles have reversed.... though I still hope he looks up to me. He is going to be as tall as James soon.

James hasn't changed a bit.

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But it's only been 2.5 months.

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I've been trying to pass the honours of Bass player over to Steve V. but he is trying to be polite and not take away my spot in the band.... well actually haha....

Maybe we can rotate... create some sort of organizational chart that shows Steve playing 4 times as much as me :D

I really just need to work as much as I can. I could probably do the Worship band thing if I didn't have to go to practices, but that's not fair to the band. If I don't have to work on Tuesday nights, then I'll do it.

I love Perry... I've hardly even talked (or played) with Perry since I've been home. Hope he's not too upset with me, or out of tune.

Maybe I could play my new diddy... "Home home on the Stage, I mean range..."

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In my camera/lighting class yesterday we got our 4x5 cameras.... six hundred pounds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment. Not a stressful class at all...

But it was so fun! It took Carter 3 hours to teach us how to use it and put it together. It's got the accordion body, you know? And the blanket that goes over your head and the shutter release cable. It's fantastic. I just hope I never have to take it on the bus....

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Awe my baby had such a rough morning today! Logan couldn't find money for her music class and then she was running late because Kerrie was going to write her a note, but then she couldn't find her agenda and ugh... my heart broke for the poor girl. She left in tears, running desperately to catch the bus.

For that reason, I wish I had a job and a car.

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Oooo I need to get on that... I really want to get my license soon. Add it to my list of 'have dones'

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If anyone wants family photos done in the fall... let me know!
Or the winter actually... I love LOVE winter photography...

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It annoys me when the phone rings when you're waiting for a job to call... and it's not them...

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I'm off!
Have a great day :)

Coconut Cream Pie

Job hunting is a drag.

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So I joined the YP Band. I'm going to be in the CSB in no time.
Look out Flugal Hornists...

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I so badly don't want to work at Starbucks... but why does it seem that they're the only ones hiring?

I love my Grande Green Tea Lattes w/ 2 pumps raspberry and negative on the melon, but to have to make everyone's crazy creations... it's not my type of gig.

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How about Chapters though?

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I love the Ritz commercial. The cute little boy makes a trail with his Ritz crackers leading to the front door of the cute little blonde he likes. She opens the door and her jaw drops... it's adorable!

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I have my first studio class tomorrow! I cannot wait!

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I haven't been sleeping for so many nights in a row! Night time is when all my thoughts come out.... all the thoughts that I can distract myself from during the day. I'm hoping that reading my business book when I get into bed will put me to sleep haha

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My breathing is getting worse everyday... and I don't even have a blanket over my head.

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Zig-zag wallaby.

Scruffy With a Ball of Red Yarn

You meet the most unique people at art school.

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Tonight I'm going to young adults group... kind of like youth group, but less drama. Can't wait to meet new people :)

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Last night I went to see Downhere play at the MET. It was pretty great. I chatted it up with Glen Lavender after the show and it was cool because he remembered my family from Kitchener. He is a great bass player and his band has great stage presence. So that was a good night :)

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I've had the acrylic craving for awhile now and I can't wait to whip out my paintbrushes when I get home tonight! Set up the ol easel and see what happens. I have so many ideas and luckily I have lots of canvas.

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My teacher actually does sound a little like Steve Carell. It's distracting.

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A new and improved (and actually including content) www.snapbird.ca is coming your way soon! Keep your eyes peeled for my online portfolio :) Also, SnapBird Photography will be up and running by the end of the month.

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Nikon D3 is my new dream. 

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I can't wait... I have to start painting now!

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I'll be back later...

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9:44 p.m

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I'm back :D And I had a really great night! I met some really cool people at the young adults gathering (it was a mighty gathering). There were nine of us all together and they were all really awesome. A couple go to my school, so that was neat. We ate steak and peaches & ice cream, played Trivial Pursuit and Outburst, and jumped on the trampoline! It was fantastic! I can't wait to hang out with them again soon :) And the best part, some of them are coming to Woodroffe... wooohooo! Friends at church! :D

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Anyway, I have to go read my book now... I was hoping to paint, but I realized I have 30 pages of 'Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication' - boring! What does that have to do with being a photographer? Haha actually, it has a lot to do with it, but still... that really puts me to sleep. 

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Church carnival tomorrow! Should be a good time! Haha...

Two Shots of Decaf Espresso

In my head!
I'd say it's irritating, but I like it so much.

---

So I just had the "sooo... anyone knew and special in your life?" talk with the last "special" person I had in my life. He's got a new special person and that is fantastic, I'm actually really glad to hear it. I didn't have as exciting news to tell him unfortunately. But I've decided that being single is good for me right now. I need to focus on school and doing really well so I can do what I want with my life (Ryerson possibly?)... so I'm closing my eyes to the male species! Haha... well, I'm going to try anyway... it's hard not to smile when a sruffy guy walks by. I've seen some of what's out there anyway, and there is no way I'm settling for less...

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He'd have to be pretty great.

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I was talking to this guy in my class called Alex and realized I know nothing about photography haha... at least compared to Alex! He totally diagnosed this really seemingly simple photo and it sounded like he was speak a different language. He was talking about techniques I have never heard of. He knew so much and he said he will show me some sweet dark room stuff. He's really crazy and has bad language, but he sounds like he's super talented... I guess we'll see...

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Apparently the teacher I have tomorrow sounds like Steve Carell... I'm supposed to close my eyes and listen.

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I lost my Bible :( My heart is broken! It made it through the whole summer and somewhere on the last stretch it's disappeared. I really hope it's hiding somewhere in this house... it's my favourite.

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I get Photoshop CS3 in my course :)

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I have no final exams in my course :)

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Chocolate Beads

First day of school was a breeze. Bowie talked at us for an hour, then we played two truths and a lie.... lemme tell ya, I was pro at that game...

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I made a friend, and I'd be cool with her being the only friend I make all year, because she's that nice. She's quiet and she has hair the colour of a full moon... bright burnt orange... all natural. Her name is Amelia and she laughs a lot.

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I'm home alone and somewhat feeling on the downside. I get lonely and daydream, not just about the summer, but before the summer too. And not just right before the summer, but this whole year. And before that too, in Edmonton. How did I get from there... the quiet rebellious Whyte Ave walker... to here... sitting on my bed, with my kittens, my fish and my bamboo sticks... daydreaming about flower petals and how I could have shot that frame better. I just wish I had a friend that I could pull out from under my bed whenever I want company.

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I wish I was Bret and I had a Jemaine. Will you be my Jemaine? Or would you rather be Bret?

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I'm excited to meet a New Yorker. Interested to know what their view on a Maple tree is... how many Maple trees do you think they have in New York? Now many trees do you think they have in New York?

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Did you know that by the time you reach the age of 71, if you are an average person, you will have spent roughly 10 full years infront of the television?

And did you know that every single day, your eyes are exposed to over 3000 advertisements! That's 3000 different views from other people, people who only care about making a dollar, telling you what you have to look like, what you have to wear, what you have to have. Something about that seems ill to me. What's wrong with second hand clothing? If it was good enough for the last person, it's good enough for me.

Same thing goes with make-up... it's just an excuse to look like someone else, look like something "better". Well who are you trying to impress? I rather look like the ugly duckling and have a really great guy fall in love with me for who I am, then have a really great guy fall in love with who he thinks I am... are you going to wake up every morning with make-up on your face? Are you going to be like Tobias and be a never-nude with your fake skin you paint on your face?! Make-up is not an art!

Sorry.

All I'm trying to get at is how unreal this world is becoming. We can't be real with others if we can't be real with ourselves. We can't be real with God if we can't be real with ourselves....

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I'm going to make some tea... with lots and lots of honey.

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Mon coeur c'est casse parce que tu n'pas ici avec moi maintenant. 

Bamboo Tango

I just had one of my mom's chocolate chip banana muffins... I missed them this summer.

---

So my sister's 'boyfriend' came over for dinner... he's a nice guy so I can't really hold that against him. He's smart and has a good career, so I can't hold that against him. He's an active Christian AND Salvationist, so I can't hold that against him. And he's willing to drive the 5 hour drive just to get here to spend a few hours with her, so that is pretty awesome and I can't hold that against him. So basically, other then the age, the guy is great. Is the age a big enough deal to hold it against him? I really don't know :S

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I wish Colin and Justin would heist my home.

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Imagine an inverted world. Imagine suddenly all the colours in the whole world inverted, and their opposites took over. I wonder if that would be pretty or not. It would turn daytime into night and the oceans would turn orange. My eyes would be orange, if you had green eyes, they'd be red, if you had brown eyes... mmm. The trees would have red leaves and the clouds would be black! I think it would seem like a miserable place to live. The sun would be purple! It would be so trippy haha. Neato.

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Extreme Home Makeover has been on all day. It's such a ridiculous show. They build extravagant homes in shabby neighborhoods and for families that don't need as much space as they get. I just saw one with a mom and two sons and the house was HUGE! Like bigger then the Parliament buildings. Wouldn't people look at you differently? And wouldn't you suddenly start worrying about whether or not people are your friends for who you are or for your sudden wealth and popularity? I dunno, maybe I'm way off. I just think that building a mansion for a family that has a lot of medical concerns isn't the best use of money. 

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I love spaghetti! 

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Smells, sounds and certain colours or the way the sun shines, remind me of things that twist my heart a little. Like, the best memories are sparked by those things. A song just came on that I listened to once this summer and it was a really great moment that I somewhat forgot about. I won't tell you the song or the moment, but it was a really awesome moment that I'd love to have back. Mix that song with the way the moon shines or the way a tree is silhouetted by the setting sun and the memory is perfect, mixing a few of the best times together.

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You are my sweetest downfall.

Flippin The Pages

The camera on my laptop obviously shoots the mirror image... so my text is backwards.... but it gets the point across I'm sure.

---

I've been reading this book called 'Your Secrets Sleep With Me' and it's by a Toronto author named Darren O'Donnell. It's the most tripped out book I've ever read. It's taking me a long time too, because the content is somewhat disturbing at times. So why am I reading it you ask? Well, because it's interesting and forces me to pay attention to something. There are a bunch of characters, most of them are under the age of 16. They all live in Toronto and talk about the weirdest topics... topics that people of their age shouldn't even know about. But at the same time, their dialogue fits so well with who their characters are. Where they've grown up, the 'homes' they live in and the things their eyes have been exposed to... it's really uncomfortable and somewhat guilt-tripping. Maybe you should read it.

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I've also been reading 'Serve God Save The Planet' by J. Matthew Sleeth. This one is good too, but a completely different kind of read. It's on the green kick, but I really like it because it talks about going green from a Christian cleansing kind of way. It's more on saving yourself and the earth benefiting from it. Along with that, I'm also reading (I know, I have like 6 books on the go, but they're all different so it's easy to follow along.) 'Generation Green' by Linda Silvertsen and Tosh Silvertsen (Married? Brother and sister? Both female? I have no idea... that's just how their names are printed on the front) and this one is more from an environmentalist stand. I'm really intrigued by the 'Green' movement and totally want to jump on board. Easier said then done though...

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Confession time... I bought 'Twilight'... yup, that's right.... the vampire-esc new cult fav that everyone and their aunt is reading. Jenn and I bought it because we want to know what the hype is all about, but it's 498 pages (though really large print), and I'm not much into vampires. We'll see though. I'll give you a star rating if I ever finish. We'll see if Stephenie Meyer is actually on to something...

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My father and I are going to study Romans.
My mother and I are going to study Ezekiel.
Jenn and I are going to study Matthew - John.
After that I really want to study Acts, Job, Song of Songs, Psalms, Ecclesiastes, all those really tiny 2-pagers.... yea... I want to study it all. The whole Bible. But not just read it, really study it. Know it for more then just fancy words on a page. And I want to study it from all translations, including 'The Word on The Street' by Rob Lacey.

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On the bookshelf:
'Three Cups of Tea' by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
'Jesus For Presedent' by Shane Claiborne (started it, but putting it on hold)
'The Shack' by William P. Young
'The Prayer Experiment' by Jay Dennis
'The Screwtape Letters' by C.S. Lewis
'A Novel' by Andy Warhol

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If you have any to recommend... please do :) Or, if you have any comments on any of the books above, please leave those too.

Absentminded Melody

This is a blog post I wrote in August of 2007... I love it so much!

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"I honestly believe with every inch of my heart... that me and you are meant for amazing things."

I've lived the past five years in a haze... perhaps a Purple Haze, Jimi seems to sum it up perfectly. I wandered around in a fog, met incredible people who quite possibly I gave too much credit to, but still, I am Me because of who they were. Through the seasons I learned more about myself, what amazed me and filled my mind with excitement and anticipation. Weekend shows at tiny hall venues, crazy kids with black hair and metal studs on their homemade jackets. Their passion for the music created a passion inside of me that to this day I have troubles figuring out. Was it the fact that they didn't care, about anything or anyone, or that they just knew how to get the most out of the life they'd been given. Winter walks down an artists avenue. Beggars on the corner, some true, some not. Steam from my hot chocolate and seeing the breath of everyone walking by, this avenue created life, it inspired and pushed for something more. The obvious was hidden... life is about adventure, and I'm starting to see that. Back alleys filled our grey skies, the perfect days in our eyes. We knew there was something more, we felt it from the moment we met. To this day we know there is something else out there, something greater meant for our lives... we've come so far yet we can't believe that this is it. There's no way. Watching the river, the city continue to grow and live, sitting and wondering what this was all about, why, should this be it? No one ever met face to face with their dreams, sitting and wishing. The wind is something incredible, it does something deep inside your ear as it blows by. It's like a whisper telling you where it's been is not where it's going. Maybe we should listen more closely as the wind blows. Blank pages are filled with stories and the breeze fills you with anticipation to read on. For me, I've moved on to new pages, leaving all the rest to burn behind me and in me, but I've learned something. Life is about change, life is about dreams and finding out who you are. You will never know who you are, why things happen, why you meet certain people until your last breath, cuz at that point you've made it as far as you can, and you can look back at the person you've created yourself to be. My heart belongs to the idea of uncertainty and time and that no matter how much you long to know, you never will until you create it. You create your future just as much as you create your past. The here and now is all there is. The tomorrows and yesterdays are all just memories. I can't wait until the day I stand face to face with my Jesus and he tells me I've lived my life to the fullest and that I did an ok job. Until then, I'll just keep learning, wishing and following the wind.

Slow Like Honey

Life doesn't always give you what you want... it usually gives you better.

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I was at the school today and came across two options for school ministry and Christian fellowship. That was exciting. I'm going to check them both out. One thing I was missing last year was the opportunity to minister to people that needed to hear about Jesus, and also being ministered to by enthusiastic Jesus freaks like Emily. I really want God to be the center of every one of my days... I know things will work out a lot better for me if I do everything based around Him.

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I remembered today that I will have a friend going to the same college as me... Steve Vincent! , He moved to Calgary last year and now has come out here again to go to Algonquin. So that's pretty sweet. It'll be nice to have a buddy at church and at school. Steve's cool :)

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Hahaha I went to get my student ID today and the picture they took of me is hilarious! Not only does my head look super small and my body super big, but it's so dark that you have to really look at it to see anything. They literally sat me under a stairwell. As a photography student I felt like I should say something, but I didn't. So now I have a really funny student ID. I also got my bus ID which isn't much better, but at least you can see me.

I realized how patient I've become over this summer... we waited in line forEVER to get my bus ID, but I was calm the whole time haha

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"How could, anybody, deny you"

---

I feel like I have a big burst of potential inside of me and sitting here right now is killing me. There are so many things I want to do...
I want to travel the world finding the prettiest places on earth.
I want to paint a masterpiece and display it in a foreign art gallery.
I want to go to a giant concert and dance till my feet cry.
I want to swing so high at the park that I can touch the clouds.
I want to meet a new person right now.
I want to tell everyone I know, exactly what I think of them... whether it be good or bad.
I want to braid the longest rope and wrap it around the moon so I can climb up and watch the world from a birds-eye view.
I want to challenge you to a chocolate milk drinking contest.
I want to listen to the full Elvis Presley discography - backwards.
I want to drink a whole pot of tea with a bee and his honey.
I want to shoot the next controversial image on the cover of National Geographic.
I want to write a song and I want it to be sung by Chris Martin.
I want to read the entire encyclopedia of Photography.
I want to tell you that you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea.
I want to say something that will change the course of history.
I want to say something that will change the course of your history.
I want to step on all the lines on the sidewalk.
I want to eat Fiona's Apple.

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I suppose I should stop wanting and appreciate the moment.

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Perhaps you should listen to Fiona Apple though... she reminds me of happiness and great summer memories...

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Lights Will Guide You Home

So now I'm home. The summer of fun freedom is over and real life starts all over again. This time I'm starting with a different outlook though. I've made some big decisions, set my heart on big things and learned that life doesn't always give you what you think you want. 

Life is full of surprises.

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I'm sleeping on a small patch of carpet on my bedroom floor tonight... well, at least that was the plan. It's 1:55 and I have yet to fall asleep. I'm in the process of moving back in, and it seems I've accumulated a lot of stuff over the summer. 

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I'm excited to meet new people and make even more new friends once school starts. I love meeting new people and I think my shy-syndrome has become less paralyzing this summer. The fun thing about going to school for photography is that the majority of the friends I will make will also really love photography - and there aren't too many things more attractive then a boy with a camera ;) So for those reasons I am very excited to get going. But seriously though, it is going to be so nice to be able to talk 'camera' for once. And to be able to spend time with people that appreciate the beauty in small things. 

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I'm getting serious about Snapbird too. My dad hates that name, but I really like it. Snapbird Photography... yay, nay? I'm going to register my name soon and get a business number and start up my portable studio. 

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My brother is the coolest. 

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Ever do something you wish you could reverse? Sometimes results turn out better in my head then they do in real life. But you live and learn, right? I know what not to do again...

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I'm so tired, but I can't concentrate on sleep! I want my bed so bad, but I accidentally covered it in... everything... and now there's no room for me. I have Coldplay stuck in my head, Serena fell asleep on me and my new Mac is so fascinating (and expensive... a thousand dollars more expensive then I was planning on actually). I miss Emily next to me at night and always, Will making me laugh, and well, Cameron just being Cameron. I really want to go back to Picton... that one day... you know, the really good one when it seemed like we were the only ones left on earth. 

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... I was swinging with Logan today and she inspired me so many times. She's the wisest eleven year old I know. I wish I could be more like her...

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I'm going to go watch an episode of 'Flight of The Conchords' ... I bought that, season 2 of 'Arrested Development' (they didn't have season 1 in my price range) ooo and season 6 of '24'! I'm excited for that. I also bought 'Once'.... 

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Enough chatter... this wasn't inspirational at all. 

A Message

My song is love
Love to the loveless, shown
And it goes up
You don't have to be alone

Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And its so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
Well I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
Your the target that I'm aiming at
And I get that message home

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
And I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
Your the target that I'm aiming at
But I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until its much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown
And I've got to get that message home


Coldplay - 'X&Y'

Runnin Through My Head

Wow... the summer is almost over!! Just a couple more weeks and then I'm headed back to Ottawa. I think I'm going to feel holy/holey when I get back...

Holy: The Lord has really changed my life around since the beginning of my summer adventures. He's helped me really become myself and realize my potential. I have a new outlook on life, have some totally rad plans for my future and he's put the coolest friends in my life that influence me all in the right ways.

Holey: I've been feeling homesick a lot of the summer... but I know that I'm going to feel homesick for Emily and Serena, Cameron and Will once I get back home. Ugh! They are just the COOLEST! I so love them :D I can't get enough of them.

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This is really the first time that I've felt like I've had ultimate privacy since the summer started. I've got Capstone in my ears playing a wonderful Step By Step/I'll Do My Best medley, the lights are perfectly dimmed and there's a sweet ambiance that clearly reveals God in the room.

"God you are my God,
And I will ever praise you."

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I've decided to give the '365: A Year of Total Surrender' another try. I'm going to revise and start over... I put too many pressures on myself this past year that ended up in rebellion against myself and God. A big part in becoming one with Christ is also becoming one with myself.

1. Watching who I spend all my time with - who is feeding my crave?
2. Paying more attention to how I treat my body - not only being careful what I put into my body, but also what I let touch my body... or whom.
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" SS 8:4
3. Dive into the Word!! - The Bible is so jam packed with greatness.... I neeeeed to delve into it more and pick it apart until the pages are crammed with notes of revelation and truth.... and then start over and pick it apart through different, more experienced eyes
4. "Lift You high, bow down low" - I need to lift God above all the wants and desires of my heart. From tithing to casting my burdens.
5. Get more involved in the ministry... this summer has reignited my passion for the Fight. I can't keep sitting around and wasting time... God didn't call me to be a freelancing photographer... I'm workin for Him :)
6. Morning devos AND evening devos - take that for dedication :P Seriously though, filling my mind with peace before I begin my day and ending my day with peace before I sleep... it will really help me to Cleanse...
7. Weekly devotion with a friend... having a friend to study with will totally widen my experience

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I'm seriously considering transferring to Ryerson University in the big city of Toronto.... see how much I've grown? I always said I would NEVER live in TO... and I always said I'd NEVER go to University.... I'm learning not to sell myself short :) I can do it!

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I can't wait to put my new portfolio together :) I've taken a lot of really great shots this summer and I know it's going to be super strong. I've had lots of great inspiration, opportunities and models haha

Photography is so... so.... photography is so _______! I can't even explain how much I love it.

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"We live in a beautiful world"

Revolutionary

This summer is so awesome! I'm having a blast with my new 'job'... traveling around with 4 great friends doing VBS with great kids and spreading great news about Jesus... the great! Sweet eh? We've only been going for 2.5 weeks, but it's been the best 2.5 weeks I've had in a really long time! It's really the best experience ever.

And it's a summer of revolutions. I've been canoeing, I've learned out to swim, I've stepped out of my comfort zone and made some everlasting friendships (I know this already) and I'm beginning the journey of becoming my own person... and loving who I am. I have a long list of things I still need to do, for example... trying a candy apple (never done before) and listening to an artists full discography. The list goes on and Emily is my co-pilot for it all. I love her!

Emily (Skip Trueheart) is so crazy!! She's our prayer warrior... totally devoted 600% to the Lord and preaching his name at every street corner. She's got spunk and an attitude that I love. She's smart, beautiful and my personal model. To Heaven and beyond!!!!

Cameron (William) is organized yet spontaneous. He's funny and a total God man. His taste in music makes me drool (not really... well yea... really) and he's super talented. He leads our group without seeming like a leader and he looks good in glasses. I'm so stoked that he's on this team. Most confused frog, I mean turtle, I mean...

Serena (Flora Rose)... where to begin haha (:P) She is the funniest person I think I have ever met in my life. And she is a totally skilled harmonizing singer. She accents Cameron's music beautifully and she's a joy to listen to. She is also full of Jesus-ness and it shows in everything she does. She's a mentor and a super great sista. Prettiest princess around...

William!! Mr. Currie! (Capt. Blackbird) Drummer extraordinaire!. I'd say he's the quirky one of the group... in a good way! He's great with action songs and dancing and makes up some pretty rad games. He's famous too (I'm popular cuz I know him). He relates perfectly to the kids and has a huge Godly impact on them while they throw water sponges at each other. Shifty-est pirate ever recorded in history...

So that's them! I love them all so much! I wouldn't change any member of the team because we all fit so well together. I relate to each one for different reasons and they've really turned into my family away from home. And the coolest thing about that, is that it's only been 2.5 weeks and we're already so close.

This summer and forever... will rock :D