How Could It Be Any Better Then This?

I've prayed for a thousand years. And for a thousand years I've waited and listened. Now I pray that for another thousand years, until he says it is time, I will have the patience and faith to wait.

---

I forget sometimes that God can do whatever he wants. I also forget that he knows my heart better then I do. With that in mind, I'm bound to end up happy, right?

---

You are the light that's leading me.

To the place, where I find peace.

248:117

Create in me a clean heart oh God,
And renew a right spirit within me.
Create in me a clean heart oh God,
And renew a right spirit within me.

And cast me not away from
Thy presence oh Lord,
And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation,
And renew a right spirit within me.

---

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my All in All.

---

God, I pray that you guide our hearts and please take over control.

---

I've fallen away. The passion in me has faded and my heart has lost its way. Sometimes life gets crowded and for some reason God is the easiest to push away or forget about. I don't want it to be like that. I want God with me at all times.

---

I've realized why it was so important and crucial for me to make the pact with myself not to date until 365 finishes. And I haven't even started dating, but just the complicated feelings that come along with having really strong feelings for someone.... once their heart is in it, it's not just your own you have to worry about. And now I am worried. I am so worried. Things so far haven't turned out the way I had them turn out in my mind. And it's not his fault at all. He just sits their, minding his own business, his heart all out on his sleeve and I come along, all tainted and messed up and take it? What kind of person does that? No, it's really not that bad, but I do feel scared that I'm going to hurt him. It's too late to pretend nothing was said, but I know it can't go on. I pray God, that you bless with me with more patience.

---

Do you ever feel like running away? I do. I want to run away, just long enough to figure stuff out. They say you should never run away from your problems, but it would be a whole lot easier then trying to figure them out while still dealing with them. There's a lot of stuff going through my mind. Where do I want to be at the end of 365?

---

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin

No greater love have I ever known;

You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again

---

[I'll] be the dreamer of your dreams.

Polaroid... You're My Bright Eyes

I love the feeling of contentment. A lot of the time I have to really relax and think about all the positive things in my life to feel content, but when I do, it's so peaceful. I get overwhelmed with happiness and excitement and I thank God for his generosity. He really is a generous and thoughtful God.
---
Sometimes in life, things makes no sense until you try to look at it through God's eyes. When you look at the big picture, all the little what if's and maybe's disappear. I like that.
---
Do you find I talk in riddles all the time? Hahaha I'm being open, but perhaps not open enough.

---

Edmonton is such a beautiful city, no? Look at it... it's incredible. Wow I miss it so much. I'm afraid that if I ever go back for a visit, I'll end up staying there haha so I guess a visit is out of the question. It's a good city, but there's a long list of reasons why it would be a bad idea to move back. I miss the giant sky and the late sunset, the river valley and skyline.

---

Laura will be here in 4 hours!! I am so excited! And Andrew is coming tomorrow! Life is good.

Dreamer

Sometimes, you say something that you mean one way, and it gets twisted and comes back and hits you in the face. Watch what you say to certain people and don't trust just anyone.
---
Sometimes, there's something you really want to say, but don't, because it's complicated, but then you end up getting hit in the face because you're misunderstood. Say what you need to and choose who you care more about getting hit in the face by.
---
Sometimes, there's something you really want to say, and you say it, and it turns out great and you realize, getting hit in the face sometimes pays off.

---

"True love is when you admire someone even during their most immature moments."

-Anon

---

Every passing second it gets stronger.

---

You know, God's love is so deep. It's like.... the most beautiful thing you can think of, but a million times more beautiful. It's like.... the most peaceful moment you've ever felt, but infinitely longer. It's impossible to explain, impossible to fathom, and impossible to measure. Because God loves me, I can love. And because I love God, I can see the love of God showing through in the love that I feel for the ones I love.

---

I am so in love. With people. It's so deep and passionate. I want to love people with God's love so that they can know God's love like I know it and so they can love other people with God's love.

---

Heaven. Fur Elise.

---

I love Chantal Granger.

I Know It Ain't Easy

God creates us all good looking in our own way. But what does that mean exactly? What way am I good looking? What way am I good looking that the other, better looking girl isn't? Or should I say it this way... what makes her better looking?

---

I try not to let this bother me. But some things just do, you know?

---

I've decided to start writing again. A story. In the form of a movie. A script. And I'm going to finish it this time, and maybe someday, go back to my original dream of being a filmographer, and make it.

---

There's so many things that I want to do. Why can't I do them all? I'm going to.

---

I think I lost a bunch of myself on the truck. Not just stuff, you know, but identity and self knowledge. I feel like my brain was wiped out with the accident. Amnesia? I've been listening to my hippie tunes, Mamas and Papas, Velvet Underground, Jimi.... and I started to remember how I enjoy that music and the times. I've had my incense burning and I've remembered that I like the smell of hemp and grass and art. It makes me sound silly, but it's true. Where have I been? Why don't I write, draw, go picture walking, make things.... I've been too busy... trying to figure out what it is that I like to do, that I haven't had time to... do it??? I don't know. I make no sense. I need to think about it more.

---

Basically..... there's more to me then you know.

---

Do you want to take my picture.... cuz I won't remember....

---

The List

-Honesty (He has to tell me how it is, straight up - no games)

-Jesus lover (Be as in love with Jesus as I am... be willing to let God be the most important part of our relationship)

-Integrity (Very important to me. The most important thing my father taught me)

-Funny (I want to be able to still laugh even when the times are rocky)

-Spontaneous and Adventurous (Want every moment to count)

-Abstinence (I'm not willing to compromise with this one (or any for that matter... I don't care what anyone says)...)

---

Fil is coming on Friday... I can't wait :)
Andrew is coming on Sunday... I can't wait :)

---

Ahh... my emotions suck man. I hate how I don't understand them.

---

I'm going out for coffee avec mon pére. Maybe he will enlighten me on my feelings towards... everything. Ugh. I just wish Fil and Andrew were here now! And Alex and Michael. And Mudd.