Know And Fear The Lord

I had a dream last night. I dream almost every night, usually stuff that makes no sense at all or stuff that's absolutely horrid and terrifying. But last night it was different. It was vivid and real and I believe very important.

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I was leaving a building, walking with Chantal and my sister and I saw this man looking at me. He was very dark skinned with grey hair. He was wearing a white suit with a white shirt and a white tie. When I got into the van I sat in the front seat and I turned around and sitting in the very back was the same man, but now he's wearing a black suit, black shirt and black tie. I started talking to him, kinda in a scared way and Chantal asked me who I was talking to. She couldn't see him. And at that moment I knew he represented death. And the man in the white represented life. Then it jumped to me walking with the man dressed in black and I he was telling me I wasn't doing something... and for the life of me I can't figure out what he said! I argued that I was a good christian, but he was telling me there was something I was missing. And then I think I knew I was going to die... and I was OK with it. But then I appeared in some room, like a freezer or storage closet with my mom and she asked me where I'd been. I asked how long I'd been gone for and she said one week. Then the dream ended.

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It's been on my mind all day. I'm not giving my all the way I should be. I just don't know what I need to do to be giving my all. I mean I know there's things I need to work on, I know exactly what, but I feel like I'm missing something, and the black suited guy told me and I can't remember!

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I need to be more honest with myself I think. I need to concentrate on God and I and not on my relationships with other people.... I know my relationships with other people are important, but I've kinda got a hold on that right now..... and God is waiting for my 100% all.... these are just rambles of stuff going through my head.... I'm just not sure how to take my relationship with God to the next level.

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I hope He speaks to me again soon.... I mean, I hope I can hear Him soon... I hope I understand. I want to understand.

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Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.

Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.

Let me tell you what He has done for me,

He has done for you,

He has done for us.

Come and listen,

come and listen to what He's done.

Come and listen,

come and listen to what He's done.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,

He has done for you,

He has done for us.

Come and listen,

come and listen to what He's done.

Come and listen,

come and listen to what He's done.

God-Shaped Hole

Lord help me to be less jealous and more trusting.

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Tonight was pretty awesome. I went to a city wide Christian gathering called "The Gathering" at the hockey stadium with a few from my church family and we sang and danced and praised God together. It was so awesome to see the light and the energy of God's love in their faces as they sang and gave it all to Him. I love it. I love God so much and I love praising Him.

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The most attractive thing about a boy is watching him praise God.

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I feel like I need to do something. When I lived in Edmonton I was involved for awhile with street ministry and different kinds of children's ministries and I just feel like I need to be involved in that again here. I wonder if there is something I could join in on or if there's something I could start. I just know there's a need for more Christian faces on the streets getting their fingers dirty. We need to be living more dangerously. We need to be risking more. We need to fill the God-shaped holes!!

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I left my PJ's in my bedroom and my Uncle and Aunt have already gone to bed, so I guess I'm sleeping in my jeans tonight!

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I miss my brother deeply.

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I should really get off this because I'm using my dad's laptop and I'm probably not aloud haha

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Love

I've finally learned what Love is.

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For years the concept of 'love' made little sense to me. It was warped in my mind due to, I believe, a few unfortunate events. I used to constantly ask myself, is this love? Why do these people say they love each other, why do they say they love me, and if this is love and they do love me, then why does everyone make it out to be something so wonderful?

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I didn't understand because what I thought and felt as love, was painful.

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Love is constantly thinking good thoughts about someone.

Love is wanting to do things for someone, even if they don't ask, or don't need it.

Love is understanding and patient.

Love is getting excited at the thought of seeing someone, even though you just saw them 5 minutes ago.

Love is giddy.

Love is warm and comforting.

Love is family, whether you share the same blood or not.

Love is being heartbroken when they feel sad.

Love is being ecstatic when they are happy.

Love is wanting to teach and to learn with them.

Love is endless amazement and being in awe of them.

Love is being proud of them.

Love is eternal.

Love is traveling in the rain or snow, just to see them.

Love is dropping everything and running.

Love is God in the heart.

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If there's only one thing I've learned so far in my journey through this year, it's that love is true and the deeper in love I fall with God, the deeper in love I can fall with the people around me. And I have definitely fallen in love with my new friends. Thanks to God I'm so in love! And I don't want to ever fall out of love with any of them.

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“Love is patient; love is kind

and envies no one.

Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;

never selfish, not quick to take offense.

There is nothing love cannot face;

there is no limit to its faith,

its hope, and endurance.

In a word, there are three things

that last forever:

faith, hope, and love;

but the greatest of them all is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:4

Just You And Me

A new friend of mine has the most genuine smile I have ever seen. It's overwhelming and I find myself being taken over by happiness everytime I see it. It's so true and so real and so beautiful. I want him to smile all the time.

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Votre sourire est si vrai et beau. Votre coeur est juste le même.

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I went to Bible study tonight and had a really great time. It's Alpha youth and I'm sort of a leader in it - actually next Wednesday I'm running it - but today we had some great discussion. The classic question of "how do we know we're right" came up and I've come to the conclusion that, no matter what anyone else believes I know in my heart that I'm right. I wouldn't feel the amazing grace and love that I feel if I was wrong. And I know I'm right because no one else has ever died on the cross so that I could live. How is that not true? How can you even think to deny such love. How does anything else make sense? How could someone be so blind from such truth? I just can't fathom how an unbeliever lives without such hope.

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I love the passion in people to know more and the longing to go deeper into God and into the word. I love discussion and listening and seeing the excitment in their eyes and faces. It's like whenever someone talks so passionetly about Jesus their whole aura becomes energized and so alive! It's incredible.

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"Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do."

Those are the most mind shattering and awe worthy words I have ever heard (read). Even while they were crucifying Jesus, pinning Him to a cross and torturing Him with their disbelief, His love for them still cried out - that must have been the most painful part of His whole experience - watching His children turn their backs on Him.

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I challenge you to set aside a specific time of the day to spend "Just you and me" time with Jesus. I guarantee your relationship with Him and with everyone around you will get better, you'll enjoy life more and you'll realize that you don't need to stress about everything, or anything really. My favourite thing ever is the fact that He goes ahead of you. I'll never forget that. My path is always ready for me. He never forgets to take care of me. And the deeper our relationship gets, the more I feel I can rely on Him and the more I get out of life. I love it. I really really love Him.

You & Me

I need to practice obedience.

And

I need to practice patience.

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I hate the feeling of confusion, especially when I feel it about every aspect of my life. It makes living difficult, and it makes being myself difficult.

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[I loved you more then you'll ever know]

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I know who I want to be, and how I want to be, but I don't know how to be who I want to be. The confusion stirs up these weird and awkward feelings and it changes my thought process so that I'm not thinking clearly. When I sit and concentrate on God, it starts to make sense and I can deal with it, but during the confusion, it's hard to remember God and to think about thinking about Him. It's hard to stop being confused and focus. The feelings take over and that weird pain feeling comes back and messes up all normality in my head.

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Hanging onto things from the past is a bad idea, because life moves forward, not backwards. What has happened already can't happen again. Those moments you waited for are over and the moments you are now waiting for, will be over soon. I hang onto strange things from the past, certain people I shouldn't and it confuses me. Times that were great, but that ended horribly, I hang onto the great parts and try to ignore the horrible. That doesn't work though, because the horrible did happen and there's nothing you can do to change it. Well sure, people can change, but life moves forward and now I'm here, and they're there. I'm here. They're there. How did we get here?

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[All I know is it's another day now]

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I'm so glad that amongst all the change and the confusion in my life, God is and will always be constant. Whenever I need a dose of reality, I can just call on Him and he'll put it into perspective for me. I just need to learn to call on Him more often.